After many months of intensive research into different fields, things were looking grim at RAD, with not a new idea in sight, emails were getting angrier and angrier, and becoming increasingly filled with exclamation marks (!), angry faces (>_<) and interrobangs (‽). Three days ago one of the senior engineers on the GPS Pen project, Klaus Bruckheimer was sifting through copious amounts of angry emails when he was struck with an epiphany. Why not create a universal method that can be used to express pure rage, bundled into a compact single character form that (pending subsequent liaison with the International Standardisation Organisation) can be incorporated into popular character sets such as Arial, Times New, and Helvetica. The result of the subsequent 2 days of planning, refinement and real world simulations is this, the Ragesclamation mark:

As you can see, the Ragesclamation mark makes use of advanced features in order to portray it’s message, using the color red in conjunction with a tiny little angry face, built right into the punctuation mark itself, no one is going to mistake this for a joyous punctuation mark (such might be had with a regular exclamation mark). As the Ragesclamation mark becomes more adopted into everyday language, we can expect to see a dedicated key on new keyboards, and if you are particularly angry or impatient we will make available a patch in the near future that can be applied to your hardware in order to re-map the right brace key ( } ) to the Ragesclmation mark, as well as converting the caps lock key to our new patented rage lock key.

The following are some examples as to how the Ragesclamtion mark can enhance your daily communication:

• Why is there bacon in the soap (clearly intended as a enraged statement rather than a question)
• Who has been messing with my rockets fuel discharge valve (As you run flaming toward the emergency flame blanket)
• This Report Is Sub Standard Klaus, YOU’RE FIRED (Using the rage lock mode)
• This vending machine just took my last $2.00 (over 9000mB)

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So there you have it. The English language is evolving every day, and with the addition of this new punctuation mark, everyone will have an easier time expressing themselves, and there will be far less confusion among colleagues regarding written ragemail.

Have you ever found yourself in a sticky situation, where running a little bit faster might have found you at home afterwards, rather than in gaol, or maybe you need to win a 100m sprint against an olympic medallist in order to prevent a series of events leading to the destruction of lower Manhattan. Regardless of your job, you will always find yourself thinking at some point, “If only I had some sort of rocket assistance with my forward movement right now.” Well, here at RAD we have come to a similar conclusion, and created just the product for you. Packed into a ISO regulation sized belt, we give you the power to travel at high speeds on foot with ease. Unfortunately, this product will not allow you to fly, but we are working extensively with lawyers to see if we can have that legalised soon (keep an eye out for our Jet-Pack belt) but it will allow you to run at speeds of up to 50km/h for about 5 minutes, and all you will need to do is move your feet in such a way that you stay upright throughout the process. Whether it be a quick getaway (if you are planning a getaway it would be recommended to purchase the optional smoke screen add-on) or nipping down to the corner for a pint of milk, you will always find a suitable use for this handy gadget.

Superman probably used this

The belt ‘buckle’ is where the magic happens. Behind the stylish face plate (which is changeable, so you can blend the device in with whatever outfit you are wearing) is a fuel tank, which can store up to 5 minutes worth of fuel, along with the control systems and pump. The belt itself is fitted with 3 jets, connected to the fuel lines and electrical wiring for the ignition devices, and comes in a range of stylish colours. The belt can be activated at the press of a button, with another button setting the jets to smoke screen mode. The rockets can be turned off by pressing the button again, so you can use the belt for little boosts, like on the run-up to a jump over a large ravine. So next time you are thinking about going on a purse snatching crime spree, don’t look past the Rocket Assisted Escape belt, the snatch-and-run criminal’s tool of choice.

Today I introduce you to RAD Towers, the soon to be headquarters of Rocket Assisted Developments (The company who now runs this website). The need for a major operations hub for Rocket Assisted Developments arose soon after the company was founded, as  a impressive and sky rocketing demand for our products requires  that we have an actually place where designs can be drafted, tested, implemented, and possibly even manufactured. The RAD Towers  design was created quite a few years ago now, and is now to be constructed in order to accommodate RAD’s personnel. If RAD Towers had been constructed when it was designed  5 or so years ago, it would have stood as the tallest habitable building on the planet, having One Hundred and Twenty-one stories, and with spire, reaching a height of over 560m.

Clcik to view the original drawing

The building’s design features 3 prominent spires, which when viewed from the front or back of the building appear to be part of a ‘wave’ of architectural bliss. Below the East Spire(the shortest tower) is the Grande Conference Room, a great circular hall 50m in diameter whose main feature is a 20m diameter glass topped table, whose surface serves at a roof to the 20 storey high cavity below, which is encompassed by walkways and common areas. The West Spire comprises 93 stories with spectacular 360° views from the 84th floor, which is open to the public. Between the West Spire and the Central Spire we find RAD Hall, a massive ball room style hall, whose entirely glass roof hangs from over 30 stories above, beginning at a point and widening out to the width of the hall 10 stories above the floor. During the day this gives a spectacular view and impression of outdoors, while at night time it also provides a spectacular view of the surrounding city and the stars. The Central Spire is the tallest of the three, with its 121’s storey reserved for use by me, the CEO of Rocket Assisted Developments. I chose not to  have my office there, but rather on the 101st storey of the main tower, as that is the floor the upper cafeteria is on. I use the small space on the 121st story to store the most important documents and prototypes related to the company, and it is also where I take people to fire them.

So if you find yourself working at RAD one day, the only time you will ever see the 121st floor will probably be on your last day.

Once again, we deviate from the main purpose of this blog, this time to bring to your attention what I perceive to be a great literary comment on the video game Team Fortress 2. Now for those of you who may not know, Team Fortress 2 is a game in which you satisfy your need to kill, thus making it wholly unnecessary to need to kill people in real life, but you know, what ever you are in to. Anyway, as it seems to now be apparent, I play this game, and over the years I have picked up on some of the subtler aspects of the gameplay mechanism, which I lay out here today for you to ponder.

It defines elements.

To view in a size that you might actually be able to read, click the picture.

Till next time, merry times, and maybe I’ll see you in game.

As the human race moves into the future we have only one option if we wish to continue to expand our population, and knowledge of universe, space exploration. As it stands currently, there aren’t many viable technologies that would allow us to readily achieve this, although with the following plans, it may just be possible in the near future. Meet the SS Mahmood, pinnacle of human achievement, circumnavigator of the stars, hope for the future of humanity:

It gets there fast.

As can be expected from any spaceship, the SS Mahmood features a state of the art propulsion system, based on quantum energy technology. To move forward, the Mahmood’s star drive channels the energy of anti particles into it’s collider field which amplifies the energy using containment techniques, from there the energy is directed out of the containment field in a fashion that propels the ship forward. To use this engine to take off from a planet would likely result in environmental disaster, so for planetary take-off the ship is also equipped with two lev-pads, which create an force of polar opposite to the gravity of the planet in order to repel the spaceship from it and to a safe distance away for engagement of the star drive.

Other features of the Mahmood include a pressurised craft bay for easy off world docking, allowing for smaller craft to explore worlds while the Mahmood stays in orbit.  A system of defense is also in place, (in case of extra-terrestrial attack) which includes a main artillery cannon and smaller rail guns and energy cannons.  The bridge (and levels below it) are enclosed in a force shield which contains air within it while allowing a wide view of the surrounding area, as well as providing extra defense to this area. Finally the ship contains a world class eatery, which is served by some of the finest chefs that remained on Earth upon departure.

What will the vast expanse of deep space reveal to humanity? Only the Starship Mahmood and it’s crew can tell us now.

In between inventing I enjoy taking panoramas. Last weekend I was out at an interesting gorge where I took the following panorama (Projected in polar co-ordinates). The story behind the photo goes, we parked on the other side of the river (that strip of trees and such) before deciding to cross to the other side for a better view. This took roughly 20 minutes, traversing the stagnant ponds, black berries, and rabid wombats to get there. After scaling the hill to the vantage point of the photo, we realised the top of the tri-pod had fallen off. If only it had a build in rocket return system! But alas, no, and we had to return to search for it (it was back near the other side) and then braving the ravenous blackberries once again to finally take the photo.

Click for a 5000px wonderous hi res image to explore.

To the casual observer, this Deluxe Secret Agent Operations Assistant would appear as an ordinary pen. Maybe a little thicker than an ordinary pen, but it could one of those XXL markers for people who have poor motor skills and such. Of course, to qualify to use this pen, you wouldn’t have poor motor skills. In fact, your motor skills would probably rank in the top 99.7% of the human populations motor skill ranking registry. Why? Because if you are using this pen you are a secret agent. This device is a top of the line and top secret tool which can allow you to more easily dis-member, dis-embowel, and dis-troy your enemies, along with allowing you easy access to all structures, and, it even writes like a real pen, so there will be no suspicions from the man you have taken out to dinner to kill when you are sign the check (and then shoot him in the face with a rocket).

It shoots stuff

The pen’s main feature is the rocket bay. Now this rocket has two purposes. Killing, and allowing you to scale large buildings (possibly even trees, if that’s what you need) to kill people. The rocket is propelled by a solid rocket fuel, and can travel over 1000ft with precision accuracy. To fire the rocket you press a small button hidden under the rubber grip near the tip of the pen, which will spark a igniter while releasing the catch on the rocket. A spring will perform the initial job of pushing the rocket from its chamber while the rocket fuel ignites, then propelling it the further 1000ft to the balcony of your victims apartment. The rocket will trail behind it a length of superfine and super strong carbon filament thread, which you can then use in conjunction with the built in apparently super powerful electric motor to pull you swiftly up to the balcony. Now it’s time to make use of another of the pen’s useful features, it’s cutting laser. You could either use the laser to put your victim out of his misery through the glass, or move in for a more satisfying kill by using the cutting laser to make a hole in the glass for you to pass through. Now you are inside you can search for those secret documents you also needed to destroy while you were here. But how will you destroy them? No worries. Just switch your pen from ink mode, to acid mode. A quick scribble over the documents will thoroughly dissolve them and the table underneath as well, leaving you only to perform your dastardly deed and then return to the balcony for your escape copter.

I expect that these pens will be on the market by early 2010 and would probably retail for around $19.99US.

Till next time, happy spying.

I was at the driving range the other day with my friend and web proprietor linFox. We were swinging hits and I was performing less than professionally, hardly hitting the ball past the 100m mark, let alone approaching the 470m drive of world record holder Mike Austin. I pondered the issue, and I had a thought. Jet planes go further than 470m in an average flight, and I had recently been to the Australian National War Memorial and observed a jet plane whose engine passed right through the centre of the craft’s main body. Why not apply a similar principle to a golf ball? Well, I got to work on the design, and then decided that I should really publish this information where it can be read by others, discussed by others, and possibly even created by others (and this website was created).

Now, despite the fact that I am currently studying for a degree in Engineering, I do not pretend to understand the principles of jet propulsion, but I assume that this design would probably work with a little fine tuning for aerodynamics and blade angles.

It goes fast.

I have depicted the golf ball from both the front and side views, to give you a good idea of what is going on inside the ball, and of course of how stylish it will look in your golf bag. Ordinary jet propelled objects generally begin their journey on a runway, where they travel quite a distance gathering speed before they actually leave the ground. In the case of the golf ball, speed is introduced into the system by the golfer, who will drive the ball as normal out onto the fairway. Once airborne, a sensor in the balls micro computer will prime the jet engine, readying the fuel injectors and spinning up the fan to a moderate speed. After a few second of flight the jet cavity will begin to slow the spin of the ball due to aerodynamics, lining the jet cavity up with the ball’s direction of travel. The microcomputer will then fire up the turbine. Of course, without a gyroscope the ball could technically be facing towards the ground when this occurs, and could end up jettisoning itself directly down into a nearby sand-trap.

After some practice with his new ball, the golfer benefiting from this ball will have become accustomed to its flight patterns and finetuned his drives such that when the jet turbine fires up the ball is pointing upward at a decent angle such that the jet propels it on over the next 2 and hopefully lands on the green of hole 4. The golfer would then return to his (possibly Rocket Assisted) golf cart and proceed to the green for a easy putt and cool hole-in-2.

Bear with the images, I’m still getting the hang of drawing with intent to scan.

Age IV that is.

Hi, and welcome to this blog. Here I hope to detail ideas I have, with descriptions, illustrations and applications. Maybe one day someone will come across these ideas, see them for the gold they are and put them into practice. Who knows what the future will hold.

- The Inventor.